On Wednesday I found out that my older brother passed away.  I knew he had been sick and that he probably wouldn't make it through the holidays.  I found out on Facebook.  Yes, you heard correctly...Facebook.  My great niece Dana had posted that her Papa was finally at peace. Here it is three days later and I still haven't had a phone call, email, text or IM from any of his children to let me know. The wake is on Sunday.  I won't be attending.  I realize that I am not welcomed.  I was actually surprised that they even listed me as a sister.  Why even bother?  I think I would have preferred it had they not listed me. 

You probably think that I am being a bitch.  Truth be told, I am just hardening my heart.  Years ago I had finally come to terms that these half siblings that I gained from my father were never going to be family to me.  Then, out of the blue, three years ago, my brother reaches out to me.  Apparently he had a heart attack and an epiphany and wanted to talk to me.  We spoke a few times on the phone and finally met up during the summer of 2014.  We had a nice visit.  That following January he took ill and they didn't know what was wrong with him.  I kept calling to check on him and leaving messages.  One time, one of his daughters answered the phone and asked my why I was calling.  I stopped calling after that.  I realized that he wasn't getting my messages.  Then last year my sister reached out to me on Facebook.  We got together for a birthday party at our other sisters house in February.  Then in May our nephew passed away unexpectedly at the age of 50.  We all pitched in together to help his daughter out with the service.  I saw my other brother, David, whom I hadn't seen since 2002 when we scattered by dad's ashes.  Him and his wife were pretty nice and even told me to stop by and visit whenever I head back to PF.

Years ago, when my father died, I asked my brothers and sister why they hated me.  They told me because I had things growing up that they didn't have.  I explained to them that my mom (we have the same dad) made sacrifices for me so I could have the things I had,  ie private clarinet lessons, tap and ballet lessons.  I tried to form a relationship with cards on holidays.  No response.  Finally after many lengthy conversations with a professor from my university, he told me to stop.  If they didn't want a relationship, that was on them...not me.  So, that's what I did.  I moved on with life and was doing great until they start feeling guilty or whatever the hell made them call me out of the blue after over 10 years.  I am not a puppet and I have feelings.  I really wish to hell they would have left me alone and now I wouldn't be feeling like I am today.